It’s Time To Start Being Confident

Working on your confidence creates a ripple effect of benefits.

So you’ve clicked on this article because you want to be more confident. To ease your worries, let’s recall that certain people completely fake confidence sometimes! How would anyone know that they actually are faking it anyway? Let’s strip away that intimidation.


Picture yourself as a blank canvas which can only be improved from this moment forward. Focus on taking just one of these baby steps to get started.


What does confidence actually mean? Well, it is what it is not: desperation. A confident person is not desperate. They are not desperate for a relationship or job. They have a healthy balance of self-esteem and self-worth. They know how much value they bring to the table, and they always know something else will be around the corner if something else falls through.


So… Why are you not confident?

The biggest cause of loss of confidence is the lack of self-respect and trust within yourself. If you tell yourself that you are going to do something and you don’t do it — you do not respect yourself.

Telling yourself you will do something is making a promise. Show up for yourself and do not break it.

For example, if you tell yourself you are going to start drinking more water because that will eventually improve your physical and mental health, that’s a promise you are making to yourself.

When you actually start doing it, you realise you can do it, and you start to trust yourself.

If you have a strong connection to your purpose, you will never settle for anything less than what you think you deserve.

The first step to building confidence is tackling self-doubt.

You have to start being kinder to yourself. Tackle self-doubt! When you wonder if you should be in a room, you have to tell yourself that you belong there. You deserve to be there.

You were put on the Earth to do something and that purpose is leading you every step of the way. Buy into it!

Remember what I said about desperation? Tackling self-doubt helps you detach from things you used to be desperate for. You become silently confident in yourself.

Do not confuse this with ego. Remember that you are not better than anyone. However, you are aware of your value and worth. Knowing that the best thing is happening to you helps you stay humble because you do not need to prove it to anyone.

Confident people are quiet and humble, arrogant people are loud and show off.

Practicing confidence goes hand in hand with learning about self-improvement.

Let’s be clear, I would not be able to tell you all these things about confidence if I hadn’t researched it myself. Research is the first step. Implementation is another ballgame.

Confidence involves being comfortable by yourself. So, start writing down what you like to do in your own company, and what you don’t like. From there, find out what emotions are tied to those activities. Confidence inevitably comes from feeling good. So, try to replicate things that make you feel good emotions and you will become more confident.


Once you accept the mindset that you want to improve, start acting on it and set goals.

Ask yourself what is best for you? This is helped by the previous step of figuring out what you like. It’s time to set a challenge that will make you feel confident and break it down into small tasks.

For example, you know you feel good when you go on a walk. A small task would translate into arranging your shoes in your line of vision. Just by seeing them, you might get the urge to go for a walk. Along with other acts like putting a coat on, you will actually end up doing it.

Start celebrating the successes of completing small goals. Even if you mess up, keep telling yourself that you are trying to build towards something better.

Practice self-affirmation. Our thoughts translate into actions, so keep the thoughts positive — especially the ones about yourself.


Look after yourself!

A confident person radiates a certain energy. Someone does not have to interact with their personality at all before sensing that they are confident. This is linked to their self care. Not only does it help you act more confident down the line, but it also shows other people that you respect yourself. They will be less likely to tear you down.

If you are unhappy with your physical appearance, for example, block out outside noise and genuinely ask yourself why.

If, for example, you come to realise that you are insecure about your skin after asking yourself, then you know you have to work on your skin. Buy a cleanser, it will clean your skin. Skincare is not fancier than that. Or, drink more water to flush out toxins.

Most importantly! If you tell yourself: “no I can’t do that,” ask yourself why again.

Is it because of outside factors or negative thoughts you tell yourself? You are only in control of what you think and what you can do. You can work towards achieving certain goals like affording a cleanser or drinking more water.

Nobody else is going to do the work for you. Nobody else is going to make you feel better over a long period of time. It’s impossible for someone to give you the affirmation you need every day for the rest of your life. So, you have to start showing up for yourself.


Implementing confidence straight away: good body language and setting boundaries.

Keep your shoulders back. Do not hunch over. Keep your posture straight.

When you are talking to someone, make sure they can see your hands. Try using hand gestures to mirror what you are saying (picture how Italians act). To radiate confidence, you do not have to be talking all of the time, your body language will speak for you.

Set boundaries on where you put your energy. When someone asks you to do something which they may not repay you back for, don’t do it. Practice saying no. When you tell someone you won’t do something for free, they will understand that you respect your time. Eventually, they will start to respect you.


The hardest acts of confidence to implement: calling people out and making new friends.

I’ve left these till last because they take some groundwork (outlined above) to carry out.

For people to respect you, you cannot let them make fun of you. If you let sarcastic comments continue, your thoughts will start to believe them. Of course, you can counteract this with self-affirmation. But at some point, you have to cut them off at the source.

When someone says something rude to you, or about you when you’re in the room: call them out.

The simple act of asking “what do you mean by that” shows everyone that you will not tolerate being walked over.

Finally, make new friends. This does not mean cut off your current friends. It means build a supportive network. If you already have an extremely supportive network then it will not be too tricky to add to.

If you have someone, however, who is draining your energy and blocking your self-improvement in any way (maybe they do not respect the self-improvement methods you try to adopt) then take a back seat on that relationship.

Focus on building or improving positive relationships. This can look like sharing with your close friends the small goals you’re trying to set for yourself. If you suffer from self-doubt, they might surprise you and actually be very supportive, giving you more affirmation most days.

Or, if you suffer from low self-esteem and confidence, text your loved ones more. Lay the groundwork for a more empathic relationship. This might start out by just asking about their day more often. Over time, it will translate into a connection you can turn to when you really need encouragement.

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